Words: Ambika Muttoo
Photographer: Farhan Hussain

Stylist: Priyanka Kapadia
Art Director: Bendi Vishan

Fashion Editor: Ashwini Arun Kumar

'Good conversations happen around food,' Alia Bhatt smiles. It's been a full day for her, and this conversation is happening at sunset, aka snack time (for both of us!) over Zoom. She's make-up free, hair brushed back, in a white tee and jeans, sitting on a sofa. Stunning. Also, kind.

There's a version of this story that you might already know. A beautiful face the entire nation adores. A talent that takes her to that rare upper echelon - that one that's even beyond A-list. The opinions. The relentless scrutiny. About her every move, her film choices, her family, her fashion… Yes, we're all looking at Alia. Then, she begins to talk and you realise: she's looking right back. She's been picking up on it all - every detail is being felt, absorbed, processed.

JEANS: LEVI'S; JACKET: THAT ANTIQUEPIECE; RING: MISHO; BOOTS: GUCCI

It turns out her biggest project yet is the work she's been putting in with herself. It's quieter, slower, and, most importantly, private. Where does your worth actually live when you stop looking for it in other people's reactions? Is balance a myth? Is there a rhythm to life that could make you more resilient? And does it all, ultimately and crucially, boil down to… choice.

So, while you might think you know everything about Alia, this is still a radical, underrated act of a woman, who loves and thinks deeply, deciding what her life looks like on her own terms. Which, it turns out, is exactly the point. And that is the story she is letting us in on.

Ambika: Let's begin with you starting out at the age of 19. What is one belief that you held then, at 19, that you now disagree with?
Alia: It's an interesting question. I need to track back to where I was at that age. I remember celebrating my 19th birthday, I think, on the sets of Highway. At that time, I was on the road discovering and entering my early 20s, which was a chaotic time. I think the chaos is still constant. I wouldn't call it a belief, but, perhaps, at that time, I felt like a lot of validation came from outward approval. It's just the age that you're at, right? Where validation comes from an external source. And I think, at this point in time, I'm clear that the only validation I need is my own.

Ambika: Conversely, what is something that you know about life now that you wish you could tell that 19-year-old? Is it that big one… the understanding about validation?
Alia: Yes, because you have to go through the journey to reach where you're at. I wouldn't say that I should have had this learning about internal validation and acceptance all along. I feel that it's just the age perhaps, that I'm at right now, or the experiences that I've had. But it really helps you to cut through the noise, to maintain boundaries for yourself, and to not let any external force get you down, or be the boss of you.

I think most people feel a sense of vulnerability. Vulnerability is fine, but most people feel lost and confused when they don't have a sense of control. I feel that happens when spending time with yourself, just being on your own, is actually a task, or when you always need some sort of external energy around to keep your day going. Or some sort of dopamine hit, you know? But it [that understanding] makes you a more selfless individual in your relationships and makes you also put in the work, and let go of the results. Easier said than done. Of course, failure does disappoint you, if it comes your way. But you are way easier with taking any sort of disappointment in your life when you know that internal validation is most important.

JEANS: LEVI'S; SEQUIN TOP: CHORUS; BLAZER AND BELT: GUCCI; EARRINGS: VIANGE; RING: MALABAR GOLD & DIAMONDS

Ambika: I'm really glad that you're saying this. I'm 43 and I still struggle with the things you're talking about. My next question is actually related to this - I'm curious to know what it is that you've had to unlearn about what success or happiness is supposed to look like.
Alia: I think I always sort of knew. People say that, 'Oh, you know, you don't learn from your successes, you learn from your failures.' But, earlier on, when you succeed in life, you get very excited about winning. And, when you lose, you want to win again. You're waiting to win again, right? When you lose, you learn, but you're waiting to win again next. I think one thing that I had to unlearn about success is that it's not the success that gives you satisfaction. It's actually how successfully you get through failure that gives you satisfaction.

If I'm able to get through a tough time or a difficult moment with a lot of self love, self belief, and my world doesn't shatter and crumble to the ground, I'd find that way more successful than a 'successful moment'. How successfully you get through an unsuccessful moment is something that is perhaps the bigger learning.

JACKET: KRESHA BAJAJ

Ambika: I think it's all connected. What you were talking about was a sense of where the validation or self worth is coming from, and what holds you steady. And, even now, what I'm gathering is that it's about not being shaken by a high or low, right?
Alia: Oh, yeah. It's the constant temperature. We're either chasing the peaks or running away from the dips. But, if happiness is actually in the mundane, in the steady flow that doesn't have too many ups and downs, you're just sort of…

Ambika: Peaceful?
Alia: 'Peaceful' is also a wrong word because… a cluttered mind like mine doesn't have any moment of peace throughout the day! The simplest tasks can make you feel so grateful. And, if you're able to maintain that gratitude through the mundane, that, to me, is the highest form of peace and happiness.

JEANS: LEVI'S; TOP WITH CHAIN: RABANNE AT GALERIES LAFAYETTE INDIA; BELT: VIANGE; RINGS: OUTHOUSE JEWELLERY AND VIANGE; SHOES: JIMMY CHOO

Ambika: Could you tell us about the people around you - the women - who've also quietly kind of helped you come to these realisations as well?
Alia: I think, starting with my family… My mother - the strongest, most impactful influence growing up, watching her navigate through raising me and my sister, and still keeping the fire of wanting to be an actor alive in herself, whether she did it through theatre or through television. Then my sister - the way she's been so outspoken about her journey with mental health and depression. And, then, even the people that I deal with on my team, which is made up of a bunch of wonderful women. They all add so many different layers of support, opinion, perspective, and just energy to my life. I love when everything feels like a team effort. I think, if I were an athlete, I would definitely play a team sport! It's something I think about sometimes. Even for my daughter. I wish for her to actually be an athlete… She's so competitive and she's so athletic. She's only three, but she really jumps around like a bee in a bonnet. I find there is true pleasure in team effort. And I think that's something I enjoy most about filmmaking too, about different departments and people coming together. They all shape me through perspective, dialogue, conflict. I don't surround myself with people who say, 'Yes, yes'. Who do everything I say. I love conflict and I love the 'No', or the 'Okay, why do you think that way?'.

JEANS: LEVI'S; TOP WITH CHAIN: RABANNE AT GALERIES LAFAYETTE INDIA; BELT: VIANGE; RINGS: OUTHOUSE JEWELLERY AND VIANGE; SHOES: JIMMY CHOO

Even with my sister and me, we are both very passionate, along with my business manager Grishma, who used to be my manager before. The three of us are sort of running this tiny production house called Eternal Sunshine. We have our first movie coming out - the first movie that I'm not acting in - this year. We're currently developing lots of stuff. I'm saying even in those meetings, those journeys, those conversations, even collaborating with different people, directors, showrunners, writers on different projects… I find myself interacting with a lot of women! And it's not like I'm not interacting with men. I'm also, of course, interacting with men. But I actually love to see a room full of women just like leading and paving the way and, sort of…

Ambika: Doing what they're meant to do?
Alia: Doing what they're meant to do! I just love it. It's such a full, vibrant room.

Ambika: How do you gauge a person's intentions towards you? Especially when they're in an industry where they have to interact with a lot of people?
Alia: I'm extremely intuitive. Just the way you started the conversation, I knew, okay, this was going to be a good conversation. I've done so many interviews with so many people, and I'm not judging them, but I know whether there's actual interest, or if you are just taking questions off the page, and whether you're actually listening to the answer. And again, I don't have any judgement for that particular moment, but I can tell whether the conversation is going to be stimulating and interesting or not, from the very beginning. I think it's a Piscean trait.

Ambika: It is! Pisces men and women are different, but there are certain traits in common. I think that the EQ is very high. But, with you, as we spoke about earlier, there's a lot of clutter, a lot of chaos. There's a lot going on in your brain all the time, and a lot of voices around you as well. Is it still easy to pick up on your intuition?
Alia: Yeah, because I don't think that comes from here (pointing to her head); I think that just comes from here (pointing to her gut). I don't know how to explain it. It's a gut response. I can sense disappointment on people's faces very easily, way before they might even communicate it. Just through an expression of theirs. And I think most people don't know how intuitive I am. It's not like I'm going into a room and judging people, or, again, waiting to, like, read a person. I don't have fun doing it. It just naturally happens. And I'm mostly never wrong. I think I perhaps have been wrong once or twice in my life about a person's intentions or character.

Ambika: Which is fair enough because that is how you learn. I also wanted to speak to you about being a mom. There's all this conversation about how motherhood is supposed to be, or how it reshapes your relationship with your career and with ambition? Does it? And, more importantly, does it need to?
Alia: No, I don't think ambition has anything to do with it. I think what happens when you become a mom is you reshape some of your priorities. So, you spend more time wanting to focus on quality over quantity. I think that's what happened with me.

I think, as a society, we're a bit conditioned to believe that the woman has to sacrifice something. I don't think it should ever be a sacrifice. It should be a choice. If you are choosing that: hey, I don't want to work at this pace. I want to chill a little bit. Look, raising a child is not chilling, and neither is running a home. So, okay, I want to focus on this aspect of my life a little bit more. And I'll take a little break and come back to it. Or hey, I want to do both, and I want to set up a support system that allows me to do both. Or hey, I want to do this a little bit, but I also want to do this. Or maybe I want to branch out into doing something that demands my time a little less. Whatever it is, it should be a choice and not a sacrifice. What you do end up sacrificing is sleep! Which I think is fine because you catch up on it a little bit later… 'cause you can't have it all, I guess! Things do naturally change with time as well. But that change should be driven by choice and not by this notion that, 'Oh, it's got to change 'cause that's the way it's always been'.

Ambika: I hear you.
Alia: It's a convenient structure. I think I've always been somebody who's felt that it should be driven by choice. I said that I don't want to do more than one film a year. There was a time when I was doing more, I was doing three films a year and I was spent. I was exhausted. So, I wanted to take it at an easier pace, naturally. And, of course, now that I have a daughter, I want to be a hands-on mom. I want to experience these amazing years of her life. But I also want her to know that her mother is somebody who's very passionate about her work and storytelling and movies.

I want her to see me want to work, and want to go to work. But I want to be able to balance it out without feeling too exhausted to be giving either or. Raha is my top priority because she's my child. But I am also a priority. I've been reading this beautiful book. It's called The Parent's Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents and it's a reinterpreted version of the Tao Te Ching [an ancient Chinese text that forms the foundation of Taoist wisdom]. It's got these beautiful verses about how parents actually just need to take care of themselves. Kids grow up. If you are good, they're good. Take care of yourself. Live, breathe, watch, observe, learn. Don't neglect yourself. Don't neglect that inner person that needs that comfort and peace. They'll watch you and they'll grow up watching you.

You can set all the structures in the world and give them as much learning, as much wisdom, as much light and as much love (as you can) but, if you're burning on the inside, if you're not happy on the inside… 'Happy' is the wrong word but, if you're not one with yourself on the inside, they'll see it and then they'll be disturbed and distressed. Of course, it's easier said than done. As parents, you can't do everything.

Ambika: I think the conversations you're also going to have later on (with Raha) are going to be really fruitful because she's going to have a mom who encourages her to go for it and find her own way. I can relate to my life because that's my relationship with my mother. I've been really struggling with the word 'balance' and trying to reinterpret it myself. We are always told to find balance within ourselves, and how work-life balance is important. And I don't know if that is a trap or not. I don't actually know whether balance truly exists…
Alia: I think it tips from time to time, when, like I said, you sacrifice some sleep. There might be a time when you might not be able to maintain the balance. You might then be in turmoil, and trying to do everything at once. There will also be moments when you know that - okay, that was not a great idea. So you learn from it and then you will bring the balance back. And, then, there's a good balance for some time, and, then again, it'll take over. It's a constant yo-yo of learning, understanding, until you find the rhythm. Sometimes, that rhythm is set and beautiful, and then, very possibly, a chaotic mind like mine will disrupt it. Because why not? Why not try? Just not try something new and figure it out. Okay. That was not a great idea. Or - oh, okay, that worked, that was not bad. You know? At least for me, every age is different. Right? Raha is about three-and-a-half now. It's very different from what it was one year ago. Needs are different, personalities are different. So, it's constant learning.

JEANS: LEVI'S; TOP: THAT ANTIQUEPIECE; EARRINGS: VIANGE FINE JEWELS; RING: MISHO; BELT: OUTHOUSE JEWELLERY

Ambika: A lot of women, when they're figuring it out for themselves, also find themselves dealing with guilt. There's this constant relationship with it because it's almost inbuilt. How do you deal with guilt, if at all?
Alia: Well, I'm a Piscean, so guilt is my middle name. When the guilt comes, I try very hard to tell myself that I'm doing everything that I can. But I think it's very normal. I don't think it's something that you can live without, and I think it's only because you feel so responsible for another person that you'd always question every decision. Because, at the end of the day, we're human.

I can't be a perfect person. I'm an imperfect person and every decision can't be spot on. So, you're always second guessing. 'Was that right? Was it okay? Was it enough?' I don't think the guilt ever leaves you. But I think the intensity switches up from time to time. It's not like I'm guilty every day for everything. But there are times when I've not looked at my phone. I'm maybe playing a Padel game. And I think, well, I've not looked at my phone for one hour. What? What's happening? Oh my God! Am I a horrible person? Then, you talk to yourself and say, 'it's okay'. And then, it just settles in. It's a lot of internal chatter to actually help you deal with the guilt.

Ambika: You also brought up a little bit earlier about starting the production house with Shaheen [Alia's sister]. As a producer, what are the stories that you're hungry to tell and are they different from the roles that you want to do as an actor?
Alia: Yes, very different because I think, for me, as an actor, it keeps changing from film to film. I don't think there's one character that I want to play at all times. But, as a storyteller, I think what I'm excited about is stories with a lot of heart. Where the feeling of the film doesn't leave you once the film is over. It's films like those that have really impacted my life and have made me believe in the magic of the movies. So, whether it's content that we're developing or characters that we're writing, or stories that we're telling, or even this film that we've produced… It's called Don't Be Shy. It's out at the end of the year. I've seen the film and I woke up the next morning still thinking about it. I thought, 'Okay, wow. I'm so happy that that's where it's reached.' Of course, now the audience has to see it and feel the same way. It's hard to do it every time but, if, somewhere, we managed to do that with one character, one moment, one scene, or the entire piece that you see, whether it's a show or a film, then you know that's a successful endeavour in my opinion.

Ambika: I want to wrap up by talking about what's coming up in the year and with Alpha, which is the first female-led film in the YRF spy universe. I read that you called it 'a risk' before. What made you say 'yes' to this?
Alia: I think what made me say 'yes' was, number one, it's a genre that I'm betting on, and one that has not been accepted in the past, in India at least. So, I wanted to understand: why has it not been accepted wholeheartedly in the past? There have been female action characters within films driven by men, but there's never been a story that was told where the protagonist is a female character, and where the storytelling is engaging you to the point where it doesn't matter what the gender is. I could be completely wrong, but I believe, deep in my heart, that if the story is powerful and if the story connects, it doesn't matter who's leading it, or whether the protagonist is male or female. There have been female-led successful films, but in this particular genre? It's historically not fully worked. And number two, I really liked the story! I thought it was new. It's something that I hadn't done as an actor before and I had not seen in recent years. Actually, it's not just me, it's Sharvari as well! Two women. Even that was exciting to me. I found a really good vibe with Sharvari. I also wanted to have fun at the movies. Alpha is actually a popcorn entertainment, fun film. Very sort of specific genre with storytelling at the heart of it. Once the unit is out and, hopefully, the world opens up, you will see a lot of that, there's something to explore here with women and this genre.

Ambika: Leave us with this: what are you reading? What are you watching? Is there something you're listening to right now that is giving you joy or a good laugh or making you feel good?
Alia: Yeah, I'm reading that book [The Parent's Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents] that I spoke of earlier. I'm watching this show called Love Story, the FX show, it's a really good show. And I'm also very excited to watch Dhurandhar: The Revenge, which releases tomorrow [the film was releasing at the time the interview was conducted].

MAKEUP: PUNEET SAINI; HAIR: AMIT THAKUR; MANICURIST: ANISHA MULCHANDANI AT STUDIO NAILS;
STYLING ASSISTANCE: HUMAIRA LAKDAWALA; VIDEOGRAPHY: ABHISHEK TRIVEDI; VIDEOGRAPHY ASSISTANCE: VEDICA MISHRA; COVER DESIGN: SAUNDARYAA SINGH

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